Cancer: Old Tom Gin
While this cardinal water sign is known for its mercurial mood and emotional outbursts, there’s more to Cancers than their crabby nature. Cancers are mysterious and eccentric, with layered personalities that take time to unravel. Don’t expect the same results every time you meet one of these side-stepping crabs. They’ll surprise you. Like barrel-aged Old Tom gin, this star sign is enigmatic. Is it a whiskey, or a gin, or a gin that’s made like a whiskey? As they open up and come out of their shell, you will notice ever-evolving nuances; from cold bitterness to aloofness, to mellow, restrained sweetness, to citrus sunshine and flowery rainbows.
Scorpio: Overproof Rum
These people are crazy—or, should we say, vivacious and full of demonically delicious complexities. Always intense, Scorpios never hold back their personality, unless it benefits them or gives them an advantage over you. If you’ve ever tried a dark, molasses-heavy overproof rum, then you’ll understand how it embodies these vindictive tricksters. At first sip, you’re distracted by the intoxicating sweetness—the psychosexual headtrip of this nectar of the gods—then you realize that it went right to your head, and you’re in trouble. You’re in for a fun night with a Scorpio (or a bottle of overproof rum)—until you wake up the next morning in a ditch, with your wallet stolen, and one of your shoes hanging from a tree.