6:43 — Stop by a Jamaican restaurant to grab some jerk chicken with rice and peas. Ask them if they know much about jumbies (or "duppies," as they’re called in Jamaica, they correct me). Neither proprietor has much advice to offer, but they do find the Rum Jumbie bottle amusing.
7:14 — Pass a chalk board illustration outside a bar depicting a “cool cat” playing the bongo drums with its paws. It’s not quite congas, but I consider it significant (proof that the Rum Jumbie is at least affecting my judgement, if not my desire to move it, move it).
7:15 — I see an actual cat cross the road and recall reading that jumbies can take on the form of a cat. Sprint the rest of the way home.
7:17 — My girlfriend is concerned by my sweaty appearance. I start to wonder about the physical impact the sugary Rum Jumbie is having on my athletic ability.
7:24 — Fix another drink to steady my nerves and quell the spice of the jerk chicken. I’m about one-third of the way through the bottle’s drum.
7:50 — Research jumbies further. Learn that placing shoes outside a home’s front door will protect inhabitants because the spirit has no feet and will endlessly attempt to fit into the footwear instead of stalking a victim. Wonder how such an easily distracted creature could instill such fear. Control the urge to put my shoes out.
8:05 — Make a Jumbie Ambrosia cocktail with watermelon juice and lime following the brand’s recipe. Find it satisfyingly summery.
8:07 — Still no urge to dance.
8:30 — Can’t decide if I’m getting drunk or paranoid.
9:02 — Girlfriend plays the Jumanji drum song very quietly to freak me out. It works magnificently.
9:20 — Listen to The Wailers’ cover of the 1950s song “Jumbie Jamboree,” then switch to the Harry Belafonte version “Zombie Jamboree.” The latter is legitimately toe-tappingly good. Feel the most tempted all night to dance, but alas, not quite enough to send me onto the dance floor.
9:50 — Make a nightcap of Rum Jumbie and OJ.
10:17 — Pass out from drinking most of a bottle of Rum Jumbie.
6:30 a.m. — Wake up with no memory of dancing and no visible signs of amnesic nocturnal revelry.
6:35 — Discover shoes I “accidentally” left by the front door.
So, will Rum Jumbie Liqueur make you dance to the congas all night long? No. But will it make a surprisingly decent Watermelon Cooler? Yes.