The Real Mazel Tov Cocktail


On Sunday night, CNN was just minding its business, doing its thing. Which is to say, they were endlessly rehashing every minute detail of the election in a desperate attempt to convince themselves that people haven’t already made up their minds about the 2016 election. And then there was a pointless exchange. How was this pointless exchange unlike all other pointless exchanges? This one had cocktails. Mazel Tov cocktails to be exact.

During this bogus bonus Jeopardy round of Beelzebub vs. Benghazi, Trump surrogate Scottie Nell Hughes was making a point about the fact that Jay-Z performed a concert for Hillary Clinton in Ohio. Specifically, she called Jay-Z’s ethics and judgement into question based on the video for the song, “No Church In The Wild,” from Jay-Z and Kanye West’s 2013 album Watch the Throne. “One of his main videos,” she said, “starts off with a crowd throwing Mazel Tov cocktails.” Actually, the video starts with a crowd throwing molotov cocktails.

— Deadspin (@Deadspin) November 7, 2016

Naturally, Twitter had its fun with the comment.

And finally.. Even Hughes herself admitted she perhaps should have slept more in the run-up to this exchange.

But we at Supercall are not interested in poking fun. We just want people to be happy. And we’ve found people are generally happiest when they’re on the business end of a stiff drink. So we’d like to humbly offer some real Mazel Tov cocktails for those who might need one right about now.

The clearest conception of a Mazel Tov cocktail, of course, is a shot of vodka. Over the centuries, the Jewish people’s tenure in Eastern Europe has left them with a soft spot for the clear, clean stuff. We could point to all kinds of instances of this, but for our money, the modern apotheosis of Jewish vodka shots is Sammy’s Roumanian’s ice-encased vodka bottles, from whence pour the wonderful, viscous water of life.

If you’re looking for a slightly older version, the Jewish l'chaim shot was immortalized in Fiddler On The Roof (which also shows the preternatural peace-making powers of the barroom).

But if we’re being honest, a cocktail requires at least two ingredients. So we have decided to rehabilitate one of our most popular cocktails this season, Make America Grape Again, which we created (could you guess?) in honor of Donald Trump. Our MAGA cocktail is essentially grape juice and lime, dry shaken with egg whites to give it a fabulous mane, then garnished with crazy straws (no relation). It has no booze, because Donald doesn’t drink. And if we're being honest it doesn't have a whole lot of Mazel Tov either.

To make a MAGA Tov, simply substitute Manischewitz for grape juice and add two ounces of potato vodka.

Which is to say, pour 3 oz Manischewitz, 2 oz vodka, the juice of half a lime and the white of one egg into a shaker and dry shake. Then add ice to the shaker and shake again. Strain into an ice-filled highball glass and top with soda water. And don’t forget that crazy straw.

We wish everyone a happy and healthy election day. Everything is going to be FINE. If you need a refresher on how to say cheers in other languages, it’s right here.

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