Dive bars serve a very specific purpose: to provide cheap and easy drinks for you to enjoy in a barely sanitary atmosphere. The dive bar is there for you after a hard day’s work, during the days before your paycheck arrives and between midnight and 2 a.m., when you refuse to call it quits on a night out. The dive bar is a near perfect entity with just one caveat: There are some drinks you can order and some drinks you can’t.
A dive bar bartender is not a free-pouring, drink-tossing, cocktail bar bartender who flames your citrus peel. A dive bar-tender gets as many drinks into as many thirsty hands as quickly as possible. Your job as the patron? To help the bartender do exactly that by doing your part: ordering a simple cocktail.
And it’s not just the bartender you have to worry about, there’s also the gritty crowd a dive bar attracts. Your drink order plays a pivotal role in whether or not this crowd accepts you or punches you in the face. So play it cool by fighting every urge you have to order these very anti-dive bar drinks.