Hillary vs. Trump: Cocktail Showdown


Whether you’re more concerned with Hillary Clinton’s evasions and pneumonia, or Donald Trump’s tenuous relationship with facts, there’s one thing we can all agree on: This election cycle has been enough to drive anyone to drink. On Monday night, we’ll see the Republican and Democratic presidential candidates square off for the first time. What better time for a cocktail?

Luckily, we’ve created liquid tributes to both candidates that we feel express their inner essences. Like the candidates themselves, these two drinks could not be more heterogenous. The frothy Make America Grape Again is alcohol-free just like candidate Trump, and it’s traditionally consumed through a Krazy Straw. Meanwhile, Hillary’s Dirty Little Secret is a bracing jolt to the nervous system. It’s strong, ice cold, a little bit spicy and a little bit dirty. Make no mistake—it’ll get the job done.

While there were too many Republican candidates in the primary to merit cocktails for each of them, the Democratic side was a touch simpler. Those who want to reminisce about the heady days of Spring 2016 are invited to sooth their Bern-marks with Bernie’s Long Shot.

Hotel mogul, reality TV star and United States presidential hopeful Donald Trump might want to “Make America Great Again,” but we know a man who made America grape again: Dr. Thomas Bramwell Welch. In 1869, the true American patriot invented a way to pasteurize grape juice to keep it from fermenting. Through a grassroots movement, he persuaded local churches to adopt his non-alcoholic “wine” for use in communion services. The mocktail we created as an ode to teetotaller Donald Trump includes Dr. Welch’s legacy, Rose’s Lime Juice, soda water and egg whites for a frothy head.

The Essentials

Grape Juice
Rose's Lime
Egg Whites
When an interviewer asked Hillary Clinton to name something she carried with her at all times, she responded “hot sauce,” claiming that eating chilies boosted her immune system. Inspired by Clinton’s love for all things spicy and her favorite drink (a “Bond-style” vodka Martini), we created a spicy Martini, with a touch of pickle brine to make it a little dirty (like most politicians).

The Essentials

Hot Sauce

Published on

More From Around The Web