Firebox

This New Gin Is Made With Black Unicorn Tears

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Firebox, the company responsible for harvesting the tears of mythical creatures for fanciful spirits, has a dark new holiday offering: Unicorn Tears Black Gin Liqueur.

The black gin is a limited holiday offering that adds to Firebox’s current lineup of whimsical blue Mermaid Tears vodka and the original shimmering Unicorn Tears gin. But instead of light, bright and everything nice, Firebox’s newest concoction has a dim outlook on life and looks like it belongs in the shadows.

“Is it the time of year?” the description for the black gin asks. “A reflection of the sorry state of the world? Or is it just their very poor diet and cramped living condition? Who can say?”

Something must be up, because as everyone knows, unicorn tears are rainbow colored. Firebox assures consumers that the “dark and mysterious gin still possesses the same sweet flavor” as the original Unicorn Tears Gin. It also still glistens. Unfortunately for people in the U.S., however, the black gin from Scotland’s national animal is only available in the U.K. (for now).

Until it makes it stateside, Americans are left knowing one thing for sure: Not even unicorns are immune to Hot Topic level pessimism.

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