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The King of Margaritaville Doesn't Drink Margaritas Anymore

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Breaking: Jimmy Buffett doesn’t drink Margaritas anymore.

The man who wrote Margaritaville—which is simultaneously the best song about drinking Margaritas and one of the most cringe-worthy karaoke songs—doesn’t drink Margaritas. This is the same man who so embodies Margaritas, he created a Florida retirement home called Latitude Margaritaville for geriatric Parrotheads. This is the man with a broadway play called “Escape to Margaritaville.” That guy doesn’t drink Margaritas anymore.

In a profile by Taffy Brodesser-Akner in The New York Times titled “Jimmy Buffett Does Not Live the Jimmy Buffett Lifestyle,” the saddest truths about growing old are revealed—saddest of which is that it’s no longer 5 o’clock somewhere for 71-year-old Buffett. A healthy early bird special replaces the blenderful of Margaritas in old age. Even for Jimmy Buffett.

“I don’t do sugar anymore,” Buffett told the Times. “No sugar and no carbs. Except on Sunday.”

Other than the occasional cheat day, he’ll have tequila on the rocks and “a lot of water.” Apparently, that’s what it takes to transition from carefree beach music god to the owner of multiple franchises who’s worth at least $550 million. He brought the beach and the Margaritas to the people, but he is no longer searching for his lost shaker of salt. Even without the Margaritas, Buffett has been able to keep it up. As Brodesser-Akner puts it, “Mr. Buffett is still the lone occupant in the Venn diagram of People Who Outearn Bruce Springsteen and People Who Are Mistaken for Men of Leisure.”

Throughout all of this, Buffett knows his success lies in living life like it’s a never ending happy hour on the beach. “The glue that holds this thing together is authenticity,” Buffett told the Times. “People can smell it if it isn’t real.” And if it’s only real on occasional cheat days, that’s real enough for the Parrotheads.

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